I haven’t been up to much lately to be honest. I’ve just been sorting some things out in my life and trying to decide what I’m going to do as far as this work situation. All of these years I feel like my adolescence was taken away from me. As a child I had to do a lot being as though my mother was sick with cancer two times in my life. I never got to do much if anything at all. Although, I must admit, I had some rather good times in my life that I will never forget. The point is, I’ve never gotten the chance to actually experience life. Everything I’ve ever had to learn have been through rough times/tough situations. I must admit, I have been very clever, quick-witted and brainy throughout all of the struggle. But now it’s time for something new. I feel like there’s a lot missing in my life. It’s funny that when some months ago I was afraid to make any kind of change in my life. Now I can’t seem to stop brainstorming about making more changes.

I’ve decided to join a gym. I’m not sure which one yet but I figure it would be a good way to let off some steam besides blogging. I’ve also been feeling very poetic lately and to be honest, I haven’t really written anything in a long time. It’s crazy how life can sometimes dampen the joys in your life but they’re coming back slowly but surely. I’m not saying that I’ve been completely content with life because lord knows I have a lot of problems I’m dealing with at the moment. There isn’t a solution to these problems but rather the need to balance this stress out. With that being said I have to indulge myself in constructive activities and that’s just the easy part. The hard part I think is going to be the ability to make transitions back and forth between leisure and what has to be done. I figure, life is too short to be uptight and stressing all of the time. It’s inevitable that I’m going to run into problems whether I’m enjoying myself or not so why not just enjoy myself while I can?

I have been more than ready to continue to work in Photoshop and do some web developing. After all, I’ve spent countless hours tweaking my livejournal and I must say, it came along pretty nicely. Graphic Designing and Web Developing have been very constructive outlets for me but I’m tired of working my ass off for free so of course I have a services section on this website for those who are looking for some design services. I won’t lie, even as I’m sitting here blogging it helps so much to just release my thoughts. I was talking with a friend the other day about how hard it is to relay feelings to another person. The truth is, sometimes I don’t want advice, opinions or solutions to problems from anyone else. Sometimes I just want the chance to speak my mind and release my thoughts but a few responses would be nice just so I know the other person is listening. I will ask for advice or help sometimes but it’s not very often. Although I’m almost tired of the struggles that I have to endure, how fun would life be without the challenges? Sounds twisted but when you think about it we all engage in things for the “joy” of it.

Note: I have been posting private entries in my livejournal so if you have one and would like to add me just read the friends only entry, reply and I’ll get back to you when I can. Toodles!

Not much has been going on with me. I’ve just been trying to make the best of something I believe I’m going through. I find myself having a lot of trouble sleeping. It’s mostly due to the fact that I have a lot on my mind most of the time. I’m trying to channel those things onto my blogging sites and such but sometimes I feel so swamped that I don’t even feel like I have anything to discuss, when in reality, I do. I always say to myself, “I’ll get to it later.” I never do, though. Sometimes I wish I were one of those people who can just lay down and sleep. When I try to sleep, I find myself laying in my bed for hours, and that’s not cool at all. I’ve figured that maybe if I blogged more, it would help to release some of the thoughts that I have floating around in my brain. I’m going to definitely try that.

Sometimes I get plagued by things that people wouldn’t find to be a big deal at all. For example, it infuriates me when people are so materialistic and superficial. I was raised in a home where you were satisfied with what you had because at any time things could be taken away from you. My mother never encouraged my sisters and I to be materialistic. Sure, it’s nice to treat yourself to things, especially when it comes to earning your own money but when you allow these things to consume you as a person, it becomes unattractive. I’m satisfied with mostly everything that I have at the moment even though at times I wish things were a bit easier for me. That doesn’t include materialistic things, however. I just want to be able to live comfortably in life and never truly have to struggle. I’m not asking to be rich at all because that’s one of the last things I’d like to be. My friend Keem and I were having a talk the other day and we were discussing what we would do if we both had 1 Million Dollars. We both agreed that we don’t even know what we would do with that much money. I’d probably end up giving to charity. Sure there are some things that I desire but it’s definitely not a lot. People would probably call me silly but I call it being realistic, at least with myself. Simple things like family and enjoying the company of good friends mean more to me than money does. I don’t feel like I should spend excessive amounts of money on things in an attempt to try to impress other people. I believe that I look alright in anything that I wear, as long as I’m comfortable. I realized that even having a simple life, there are things in my home that I don’t even use. I can almost imagine if I were rich and were to just buy meaningless things. They wouldn’t have any value to me and would just sit in a closet somewhere.

I wish that I didn’t allow my mind to keep me awake at times. It really sucks not being able to get adequate sleep. I think that once I start expressing my thoughts better I’ll be able to sleep a lot better. I’m just so not good at this whole blogging regularly thing. But I’ll try!

I absolutely love my job, I really do but lately with everything going on in my life, I find it to be a bit demanding. I think that I should probably start looking for something else because I can’t see myself having the same job forever. Have you ever felt that you didn’t fit in somewhere anymore? That’s how I feel about my job. The thing is, I didn’t start feeling this way until I started really having some personal problems at home. When things happen to me, they completely change my way of thinking sometimes. However, I’ve never been so determined to make such a change in my life. Maybe that means I’m really going to make some huge changes in my life. Only time will tell.

I’ve been updating in my livejournal lately. Mostly really personal things, you can check that out. Sometimes I feel like posting certain things that just don’t fit on my livejournal or this website so I post them on my vox. You may check that out as well and feel free to add me on both! Also, I haven’t been very great with keeping up with my forum and for that, I apologize. Feel free to shoot me an email if you feel like you’d be great in helping me manage my forum. I really would appreciate the help. For a short while, I thought about completely deleting it due to my busy schedule but I’ve noticed that a lot of people enjoy being on my forum, so unless it goes completely dead, I will keep it up.

Question: How come people are always “forgetting” their children in cars in the summer? How come we never really hear about these things in the winter? I was watching the news this morning and a couple locked a child in their car. They claim they “forgot” about the child and went inside the house. I mean, how much attention are you really paying where you don’t notice that your child isn’t in the house? Throughout the night I’m always checking on my son to make sure he’s alright. Maybe I’m just not seeing the logic that these people are using in these situations.