As you may all know, tomorrow is my big day. I have to report to the hospital by 7:30 AM. I’m a complete nervous wreck. I really despise hospitals, especially after having to watch my mother spend so much time in them. Not to mention the countless visits my son and I have had just because of our asthma problems. As you know, I will be receiving a c-section. Sounds simple to those who have had one before but due to certain circumstances surrounding past injuries and such, I have to receive a classical C-Section. For those who aren’t aware of what that is, you know nowadays they give the bikini line c-section incisions. I have to receive the older type, the incision where I will be cut up and down instead of sideways. It’s a scary thing, but it has to be done. I’m not really sure how long I will be in the hospital but I will be taking my notebook with me and writing down some details so I can let you guys know how everything went, what my thoughts were and all of that good stuff!

Right now I’m just listening to music, watching time pass me by. I can’t have anything to eat after 12 Midnight tonight, which pretty much sucks being as though I’m a “midnight snacker”. I’m usually up snacking. I’ll definitely be in bed early tonight. Not just because my procedure is tomorrow but I just can’t fathom the idea of staying awake and not being able to eat or drink.

Thank you all for all of your previous comments about my pregnancy and everything leading up to this point. They really mean a lot to me. Pray for me!

Well, I figured I should update everyone on everything. Tomorrow, October 22, I will be going in for my Amniocentesis. Basically, I have to get a needed inserted into the womb and amniotic fluid will be extracted from around the baby. They will test this fluid to see if the baby’s lungs are matured. One of the side effects of this procedure is that it can induce labor. If that occurs, they will be giving me a c-section one day early. If everything is alright after the procedure and they monitor me, I will be able to go home and my c-section will be on the next day, October 23. I will admit that I’m very nervous about this procedure because I have a high risk pregnancy and going into labor would not be a good thing but they would be able to do everything just in time. I’m even more nervous about my C-Section more than anything, though. I have some faith that everything will be just fine, though. I will be updating everyone when I get back home from the hospital, which will probably be sometime around the beginning of next week. Wish me luck!

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Today I did a lot of thinking about my life and I can honestly say that while I am content with accepting it’s simplicity, I believe that I could have done a lot more in my life. I was always a very studious and serious person and I always took life very seriously. It’s weird because when I reveal this realization to people close to me, they always seem to ask, “Well you’re a mother, what can you do now? What more can you do in your life? You don’t have much freedom anymore.” Why is it so difficult for people to get out into the world and do things with their children? If you can take a trip with your boyfriend/girlfriend, then you can definitely get out and do some of these same things with your children. They should be able to experience life as much as you do.

I’ve lived my life putting others before myself for the most part. Now that I’m breaking out of those habits, sometimes I don’t know what would really excite me much. I suppose I would have to just try new things and see what interests me. Even as a teenager/adolescent, there was never much that excited me. However, there were a few things, such as playing basketball & softball, playing video games and there were a few other activities that I participated in. There was a program at school that they call the Junior Police Academy, which was fun. I also was a member of a club in school where we were given real court cases and were given the opportunity to act them out and everything. Yes, I was a complete nerd but I enjoyed my life nonetheless. However, most of my childhood was taken away from me because my mother was sick. She first was diagnosed with cancer when I was 11 years old. I was the oldest and we didn’t have anyone else so I picked up on a lot of motherly duties at an early age because my mother needed the help. After she was treated, there were years in which I had freedom but not as much because my mother was a single mother of 3 girls and I was the oldest, so I helped a lot with my sisters. When she was diagnosed with cancer again, I was 19 years old. Everything started all over again and I’ve spent that time until now living for other people.

I was never one to be a shopper and I never really found myself eyeballing store windows and such as I do now. Now that I’m living more for myself, I tend to take interest in smaller things that I’ve never taken interest in before. This brightens my day because even if I won’t do the shopping, it feels good to actually want something for myself. I’m about to have a beautiful baby girl and I’m more than excited about that. This pregnancy has actually changed my way of thinking dramatically. I’m very happy about it.